A Testimony of God’s Grace

October 2019 Update 

As an Intern I can not share so much of what I do. But I asked a graduate if they would be willing to share there testimony so you could hear what the Lord has done in the life of a young women and how he has used Vision of Hope. 

I grew up in a single parent, non-Christian home with my mom and my older brother.  My parents were never married and they split up when I was 2 years old.  Growing up, we were very poor and homeless a lot, so we slept in our van or homeless shelters.  When I was 3 years old, my mom’s step dad, Jack, started to sexually abuse me and it continued until I was 11.  I told my mom when I was 12 and she tried to get me help.  I shut completely down and refused to talk to anyone about the abuse.  When I was 12, I self-harmed for the first time because I was trapped inside myself.  I also became addicted to pornography and using chat rooms to talk with older men.  My body was so accustomed to being used, that I thought that was my purpose in life and didn’t know how to deal with anything else, even things that seemed better.  I continued to struggle with self harm, suicidal thoughts, and pornography, but I also began to struggle with my weight and body image.  I would binge and eat in secret and then purge or try to work it off or try not to eat for a while.  I continued to struggle with these things for years.  I felt so guilty and ashamed that I wanted to die.  

When my mom found out about the self harm, she almost had me admitted to the hospital, but she decided not to.  When I was 17, my grandmother got Alzheimer’s and it brought our family back together a little.  This is when I met my aunt for the first time.  She was a believer and we would have really good conversations together.  I asked her one day if all people were created equally and she encouraged me to read Genesis and find out for myself.  I didn’t have a bible, so I looked one up online and began reading.  I fell in love with reading the Bible and would ask my aunt all kinds of questions about God and the Bible.  My aunt encouraged me to go read the Gospels and that is when I learned about who Jesus was.  My aunt and I talked about sin and how Jesus died for my sin and how He rose again defeating death and sin.  One night when I was talking to my aunt, I accepted Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. I was so excited and so full of joy that I wanted to share it with my mom and my brother.  They weren’t as excited or joyful as I was.  

About 10 months after I accepted Christ, my mom kicked me out of the house because I was a Christian.  About a year and a half later, I found a good church home and moved in with a family from there.  I was doing really well in school, growing in my faith, growing in my church, and building healthy relationships in the church.  When I was 20, my life seemed to be falling apart.  I became really sick from an allergic reaction to an antibiotic and was hospitalized for a few days and had to recover at home for a while during the end of the semester at school.  This meant that I missed my finals and I was so sick that I couldn’t even study.  I was in school studying to be a paramedic.  During this time, I became very depressed and began self harming and having suicidal thoughts again.  My eating disorder was very prevalent and I would go to the gym for hours, binge, purge, starve myself, and use laxatives to try and lose weight.  

I started seeing a biblical counselor, but I didn’t put any work in and was only there to please the family I was living with.  I was put on anti depressants, anxiety meds, and sleeping meds and began to abuse them.  I wanted the rush and the escape of taking pills and hurting myself.  The self harming and suicidal thoughts became worse and worse.  I remember begging the Lord to let me go and give me up to my sin so I could commit suicide.  I truly thought I would take my own life.  My relationship with the Lord was almost nonexistent.  I ignored all the convictions that I had.  I was completely hopeless.  Even when I was at church, all I could think about was committing suicide.  People would ask why I would deliberately hurt myself by self harming and the answer I had was that everything seems so bad that it makes self harming seem good.  I was put into three psych hospitals in four months, twice willingly and once by the police after they caught me running from them.  The lowest point of my life was being taken to the hospital handcuffed in the back of a police car.  I never felt more alone in my entire life.  I was angry that I was alive.  Thankfully, by the third psych hospital stay, I had already applied to be a resident at Vision of Hope.  However, upon my release, I was homeless.  I stayed with a friend for about a week and then VOH called me and told me I would be able to move in May 7^th – one week away.  

For the first time in months, I felt a peace.  I began spending more time reading my Bible and listening to worship music.  I was definitely ready to go to VOH – I was a complete mess, homeless, alone, and about to lose my job, but I was still alive.  I packed my stuff, quit my job, said my goodbyes, and drove out to Lafayette with a friend.  I remember that day and the next couple of days like it was yesterday.  When I first stepped in the doors at VOH, I thought this place would solve my behavioral and outside issues, but I never thought it was going to change my heart and life.  I entered the program broken, rebellious, and without any hope.  The program at VOH was very vigorous and difficult.  I didn’t take the program very seriously for almost a year after I moved in.  I was put on probation, meaning I would potentially be dismissed from the program if I broke any policies or was disobedient to the staff or interns.  This was the start of what would eventually be true, lasting change from the Lord.  I made it off of probation and realized that I was not believing God’s Word.  My counselor and I really started to get to the heart issues and my idols.  I was a believer, but I loved my idols more than I loved the Lord.  My counselor helped me work through my pride, anger, desire to escape, pleasure, and comfort idols and with that came change to my thoughts about self harm, pills, suicide, and my eating disorder.  I could no longer blame my sin on anything or anyone, but on my own sinful desires.  That was a new concept for me, which was hard to live out at times.  

I began to really grow in the Lord and put my sin to death.  I began to believe God’s Word and read it daily.  I was thankful to be alive after all the stupid things that I had done.  By the grace of the Lord, I graduated the Vision of Hope program 102 weeks after I entered.  I thought I would be done with the program in a year, but the Lord saw fit to keep me there for almost two years. Upon graduation, I decided to stay here in Lafayette and join Faith Church and become an active member.  I have built and continue to build great relationships with people at Faith.  I serve in three different ministries, one of which is Vision of Hope.  It is such a joy to get to know the residents there and build relationships with them and encourage them.  There are days where I still struggle with some of my past sinful desires and actions, but now I know how to handle them in a Biblical and healthy way.  I am very thankful that the Lord never let me go or turned me over to my sin.  

- Anonymous Vision of Hope Graduate